Hi, I am Annette, yes the same fool...And I have a couple of hours without .....all right! if there is still someone who reads this blog, never mind....It is me ..again, and guess what? I have felt again in the same circle, vice, insanity, whatever name I can use to call this situation, that should be familiar for me, because I have granted the permission to take ownership of my soul.
After exactly one year and since my last post when I asked myself...Do I Win? Nothing has changed, I didn't win anything, I entered again in his circle, and this time was worst. I am not going to enter in details, how far we went, or how deep were the feelings, because that memories, hurt me and cause and indescribable pain in the center of my chest....That's not fair! I don't deserve it.
However, I have to recognize that I accepted,and were my own feet who walked, blindly to the same black hole. This time I enjoyed more than never ever have done it. In the end, he throws me down, this time from the highest place we had been together.
Now I have discovered a time machine in my own blog, and reading my post since the beginning, I feel shame on me. But how can I avoid to fall in love in this way? No body has the answer, my heart is quite stupid, and takes control over me ...Now I just want to say that I will use the same posts I have written and update them. I lose the whole war, after I had won important battles...and now I am again in the battle field alone, destroyed, ashamed but still hope, a little bit of hope, resides in my inner mind.
That hope is not regarding expectations about him or so, nooo!, this time his shame and his conscious, will be fried by remorse , I know. But this remorse, his coward attitude keep him far from me for long time. Making it easy for him, hard for me but definitive for both. My hope is that I will be able to get over, to recover from this epic fail...and this anger will become in something good ....but it is just that Hope...and Faith in God, faith that HE will give the strength I need to do it. Please God don't live me alone!
